-- if you don't like music(k), we don't like you --

Monday, 7 July 2008

Fake Rolex

Is 'Rolex Sweep' by Skepta the worst single/video combo ever released on an unsuspecting public? Let me count the ways...

1). It's one of those awful novelty songs that features dance moves you can all do together in clubs, only this one is based around a song that's only been out about a month (Wiley's 'Wearing My Rolex'), so therefore its existence is even more pointless.

2). It tries to use a number of different music video staples, not least the one where you ape a Michael Jackson video for no discernable reason. Others include; flirting with old people (it happens in a lot of videos for some reason), people suddenly dancing involuntarily, fat bloke dancing enthusiastically, the video generally being a steaming pile of crap.

3). As it goes on you start to lose the will to live and suddenly putting your head in a microwave to see what it feels like seems like a brilliant idea, but, oh, what's this? Here come some scantily clad females fresh from one of those TEXTSEX adverts you see on freeview all the time. They seem to be having a nice time.

4). When you think it can't get any lower, it manages to sink to depths not seen since Vanilla's 'No Way, No Way', as Timmy Mallett suddenly appears. No, really, Timmy Mallett is in this video. Hilariously, he actually looks a bit embarrassed about being in it, as if he feels dirty for agreeing to it in the first place. Poor Timmy.

If the above hasn't put you off then feast your eyes on the full video right here. The song is available to buy in September, by which time the world will hopefully have exploded killing us all.

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