Och, no, I'm too shy and awkward to look at the camera. I'd rather be out in a park drawing pictures of birds in my notebook and fiddling distractedly with the end of my coat sleeve. But here I am, in sepia, sat in a studio giggling constantly at Marcus whose wearing his duffel coat indoors and going on about some beat poet or other. Sometimes I want to just angrily ruffle his hair and stomp about in my childlike pumps, barely concealing my sexual frustration. But, I can't because I'm sensible and repressed and brown is my favourite colour and sex is something that only happens behind dirty net curtains and other such kitchen-sink imagery. The best thing is I'm sat in a kid's paddling pool, because the unkept hair and shapeless dress weren't enough to anchor the fact that I'm childlike and innocent and they bring back wonderful memories of a time where we could leave our doors unlocked and reading books instead of talking to other people was the same as interacting. The pool hasn't got any water in it because it's only a prop and really it's hiding all the cocaine and sex toys that litter the studio floor. If it did have water in it I would have drowned by now because I never did swimming at school, I always had a verruca or my sinuses were playing up. Plus, I was never sure if I liked girls or boys until recently, so it would have been too embarrassing. I used to just write in my journal and dream about corduroy. Now I'm on the front of a Belle and Sebastian album and I'm not looking at the camera because I'm sharing an in-joke with someone and you're not invited. I might look like a child but really I'm a complete bitch. Magnetic Fields forever, x
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