So, in case you didn't already know (and if you're part of the very small group of international readers, why would you?) the BRIT awards are taking place in a giant shed in London tonight. We've always had a love/hate relationship with these awards and will of course be tuning in, even if it's just to see if the Susan Boyle cameo materialises (we're banking on her dropping from the ceiling caked in fake blood during Lady GaGa's set, but it will more than likely be a duet on Robbie's 'Angels').
To get us in the mood, let's look at some of the performances that have summed up the awards in one way or another.
Great pop song, cheeky 'mash-up' with another great song and an entrance on a GIANT CD! Hello!
Usually the pairing of two 'superstars' results in things like The Ting Tings and Estelle attempting to muster some stage presence, but this was small scale, bruised and strangely hypnotizing.
These things are all about superstars and you don't get much bigger or better than Beyoncé. She can even make cars levitate!
Dog shit song, dog shit band.
Like being locked in a room with a playschool teacher and his slightly alternative reading assistant.
She emerges from a giant vagina...
We weren't ready for the Second Coming Michael.