There's too much to say about this 'music video' (and we say that in the loosest terms seeing as it barely mentions the song and references nearly every film ever made), so we're just going to let it speak for itself. This is 'Telephone' by Lady GaGa and Beyoncé:
One thing, however; we're not sure those fag sunglasses are going to make it past the smoking ban.
So, in case you didn't already know (and if you're part of the very small group of international readers, why would you?) the BRIT awards are taking place in a giant shed in London tonight. We've always had a love/hate relationship with these awards and will of course be tuning in, even if it's just to see if the Susan Boyle cameo materialises (we're banking on her dropping from the ceiling caked in fake blood during Lady GaGa's set, but it will more than likely be a duet on Robbie's 'Angels').
To get us in the mood, let's look at some of the performances that have summed up the awards in one way or another. THE GOOD
Great pop song, cheeky 'mash-up' with another great song and an entrance on a GIANT CD! Hello!
Usually the pairing of two 'superstars' results in things like The Ting Tings and Estelle attempting to muster some stage presence, but this was small scale, bruised and strangely hypnotizing.
These things are all about superstars and you don't get much bigger or better than Beyoncé. She can even make cars levitate!
THE BAD
Dog shit song, dog shit band.
Like being locked in a room with a playschool teacher and his slightly alternative reading assistant.
Everyone and anyone is turning their hand at a Lady GaGa retwizzle (that sounds like a strange gymnastic sex act). Such is her dominance of the pop charts she's clearly decided to take over every club in the Western hemisphere. This is Passion Pit's remix of new single, 'Telephone', which is hardly earth shattering and for some reason they've got rid of GaGa's bits and just focused on Beyoncé's 'rap'. We're not complaining, we're merely observing.
Then we have disco oddballs Hercules & Love Affair who've turned the worldwide number 1 smash (TM), 'Bad Romance', into a dubby, early-'90s last song at the techno club kind of affair.
Not your thing? It could be worse. Listening to Lady GaGa whilst a flock seagulls peck at your testicles* is preferable to his excruciating version, however.
From prospective one-hit wonder to the world’s biggest pop star in the space of twelve months, Lady GaGa has straddled 2009 in a way that’s made all of us feel slightly uncomfortable. Whilst most people would be happy with a debut that features two of the biggest selling singles of the year, Lady GaGa wasn’t content until she’d recorded an extra eight songs, four of which could be singles, one of which features Beyoncé and all of which must make Madonna choke on her Kabbalah water. Good enough to be the follow-up to The Fame proper, The Fame Monster is somehow even better for showing complete disregard for anything as boring as following a normal release schedule.
As the yuletide approaches, it's getting harder and harder to find any music to recommend, unless the new Westlife album floats your boat, in which case the virtual door is that way. So, this may well be the final New Musick Monday of 2009 *stunned silence*. So, let's, for one last time, do a little recap on last week, shall we? Brigadier Ambrose performed well given the fact the album is self-released and wasn't available in shops (that happens in the new year), whilst Rihanna's album somewhat under-performed by entering outside the top 10 (although the single made it to number 6, so what does that tell us? No, really, what does that tell us?). Lady GaGa was more successful, entering at number 7 and celebrating at least six songs in the top 75. Well done the GaGa.
BUY THIS AGAIN OR FOR THE FIRST TIME
Lungs (Deluxe box set edition) by Florence & The Machine
Around this time, record labels decide it's best to make money by releasing albums by talent show contestants, old boybands or re-packaging an existing album to guilt trip genuine fans into buying the album again. This re-release of the brilliant Lungs (look out for it in Musick's rundown of the top 20 albums of 2009, coming, er, ahem, well, kind of soon-ish), adds three extra discs that encompass a live album, remixes, covers, demos and a DVD with all the videos and a live show. PLUS, you get expanded artwork and an essay by David Vann, who, as we all know, is a very talented author. Better than putting it in a slipcase and adding a couple of b-sides don't you think?
LAUGH AT ALL OF THIS
Untitled by R Kelly
First of all, please click here to be mortified. That's 'Pregnant', one of the many delicate ballads R Kelly has recorded for his new sex opus. This, let's not forget, is the man currently battling charges for having sex with a minor. Here are some of the choice lyrics that Kelly uses to make the pre-teens swoon (ALLEGEDLY!!): "Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant...Knock you up, pregnant, Knock you up" "Shes more than a mistress enough to handle my business / Now put that girl in my kitchen" "Now I ain’t got nothing to do tonight, I gotta wait for my crew / I just wanna put some in you" A-MA-ZING.
'Forest Green Oh Forest Green' by Holly Miranda
OK, so this came out a few weeks ago but it's so great we thought it best to try and get it a few more downloads. Produced by Dave Sitek and featuring members of TV On The Radio, this is the first single taken from Miranda's forthcoming album, The Magician's Private Library. It features some gorgeous vocals, some bells and indeed some brass. Here she is doing a gorgeous version of 'Ex-Factor' by Lauryn Hill:
We all knew last week would be a success, in fact, we made sure of it. Echo sold over 160,000 copies in its first week, to debut at number 1, but that's about half of what her last album sold in the same period. Now, we're not suggesting that the wheels are falling off Leona's career per se, but what she lacks that a lot of other pop stars have is a definite personality. Songs like 'Happy' don't help matters. Speaking of personalities, Will Young's best of crashed in at, er, no. 9, which is hardly the work of a TV talent show alumnus, but we're pretty sure that's all he can hope for now. The Arctic Monkeys single seems to be missing from the top 40, which must be some kind of blip, right?
DOWNLOAD THIS
Fuzzo by Brigadier Ambrose
OK, confession time, this band are friends of the blog. Not just, "oh yeah, we met them at a party, they seem like nice guys" kind of friends, but proper "we went to school together" type friends. We feel the need to make this clear from the outset given the fact that we love this album so much it's going to seem like nepotism either way. You'll assume we're friends even if we weren't when we say that Fuzzo is one of the best debuts of 2009. Influenced by surrealist British comedy just as much as they are by bands like Blur, Belle & Sebastian and Pavement, they've crafted an album that keeps one eye on the everyday and the other turned skywards. It also features this lyric; "Silences don't really mean a great deal anymore/ One minute for footballers and two minutes for war / Three for terrorist atrocities / Four for the death of Morrissey". Kind of says it all really.
BUY THESE MONOCHROME BEAUTIES
Rated R by Rihanna
The Fame Monster by Lady GaGa
Two of pop's biggest characters return with albums on the same day, one trying to build a new image after some well-publicised personal problems and the other cementing her status as 2009's best megastar. Rated R is a darker, denser affair than Rihanna's previous efforts, featuring far more aggressive, almost sadomasochistic imagery. Guns are licked, fired and drawn on skin (she has a tattoo of one on her hip), whilst love is variously depicted as dead, deadly or, er, Spanish ('Te Amo'). WARNING: This album features will.i.am. Lady GaGa's The Fame Monster on the other hand should be subtitled "what this? Oh I knocked this up in my lunch break", such is the run of form she seems to be on. Eight brand new songs, four potential singles, Beyoncé drops by for a brief cameo and somewhere Madonna dies a little inside.
DOWNLOAD THIS
Fall Be Kind EP by Animal Collective
This 5-track EP is a little bit darker, a little bit denser than their last album...oh, have we written that before today? Erm, it's their equivalent of Rihanna's Rated R album, only with longer songs and slightly more droning. Very good as ever, in other words.
- Lady GaGa comes out dressed as the Queen before stripping off to reveal a dress made of £50 notes - Lady GaGa comes out dressed in nothing but a see-through coat and the Queen's silhouette shaved into her pubic hair - Lady GaGa agrees to come out dressed in a demure two-piece, which then sets on fire as she runs from one side of the stage to the other screaming "Charles, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" - The Queen comes out dressed as Lady GaGa thus diluting any controversy
This is a song by Beyoncé featuring Lady GaGa. It's a bit shit. This is it:
Reasons it's bad: 1). It wasn't a great song when it appeared on I Am...Sasha Fierce over a year ago and, unsurprisingly, it hasn't grown into a good song over night. 2). Lady GaGa doesn't really suit it and her vocals have obviously just been tacked onto it rather quickly (they even sound louder in the mix then the rest). 3). Videophones are a bit creepy aren't they? Not as good as telephones.
This is a song by Lady GaGa featuring Beyoncé. It's really great. This is it:
Reasons it's great: 1). It's was originally written for Britney who didn't want it and was then offered the guest spot on it but then decided she'd quite like it on her own forthcoming Greatest Hits package and GaGa said "No, I'm going to get Beyoncé on it instead". 2). It's got three choruses, Beyoncé's rap bit is brilliant and the whole thing thunders along at a rate of knots. 3). As we said above, telephones are great.
We've always had a slight issue with Beyoncé. Not because we don't like her, it's just that we want the best from her. If pop is a school - with Peter Andre cleaning the loos - then Beyoncé is the head girl, the one with all the ability, the one that everyone loves to hate and aims to be like. It's always been a slight disappointment to us that she's never previously been able to match the peak of 'Crazy In Love', her first solo single proper, and everything since then has been left lying limp in its wake. 'Deja Vu' was mildly diverting at first, 'Irreplaceable' is alright, 'Naughty Girl' has some appeal, but it wasn't until 'Single Ladies' and then 'Sweet Dreams' that we thought, "yes, Beyonce, this is you living up to your promise, well done. Now, where's your Geography homework?".
One thing that no-one can deny is that on stage Beyoncé is just about the most exciting thing to watch since, well, Michael Jackson. That is some accolade coming from us, believe it. You want truck loads of energy? Check. You want a sassiness that borders arrogance but keeps it in check? Er, check. You want a voice that sounds like honey, mixed with butter and a shot of vodka? What!? Check. Award shows just aren't the same without Beyoncé strolling in, shedding some clothes (she's not compromising her Christianity though) and putting on a show that makes Lady GaGa look like Stacey Solomon.
This is enough proof surely?
That look at the end that says, "yeah, you knows it. Can't no-one mess with the Beyoncé". We imagine she does refer to herself in the third person too: "Jay-Z, can you please get Beyoncé a biscuit? Yes, a wagon wheel would be fine for Beyoncé".
The problem with the Little Boots campaign thus far is that they a). chose the wrong single to launch with, then b). gave said single an alienating, 'arthouse' (in pop terms) video and c). the album doesn't age well, even after a few weeks. The fact that it entered high (no. 5) then dropped out of the top 40 two weeks later doesn't bode well, but 'Remedy', the second single, should fix things.
For one it's a massive pop belter with a great, stuttering intro that TV pluggers will piss themselves over and it has at least two choruses. Plus, for the video the label have realised what people liked about Little Boots in the first place which was that despite all the glitz and glamour she was a bit of a nerd and liked nothing more then playing cover versions on her keyboard in her pyjamas. This video is a much more glossy version of that, only this isn't a cover and she's not playing it live...
The single is out on the 17 August and was produced by RedOne who is responsible for Lady GaGa.
When we first mentioned this song we thought it was something Kid Cudi and friends had knocked up as some kind of 'hilarious' response to Lady GaGa's 'Poker Face'. It's not a joke though, it's actually Kid Cudi's next single and has now, thankfully, been re-named 'Make Her Say'.
The video is pretty good, utilizing a nice split screen effect and probably loads of film reference that we're too young (ahem) to notice. Even the song sounds better now, that beat popping more then it did when we were distracted by the sex abuse (poking it in her face!?). Common's verse is still a major let down, even if he does somehow have a "conscious dick".
The ever shy and retiring Lady GaGa performed at the Canadian Much Music Awards the other night and in typically reserved fashion was dressed head to toe in a brown smock, choosing to eschew the normal knicker-flashing get-up of her peers...oh no, sorry, she actually looked like this...
Yes, they really are fireworks coming out of her breasts. Madonna may have worn a conned bra, but GaGa always has to go that one step further. We like the fact she's kept her head tilted away from the offending area. It's always difficult at work the next day to explain to your mates why you've got singe marks on your cheeks. "Yeah, it's my exploding boobs, they just seem to go off every now and then".
